Student's Log – Scholastic/Quarantine date 03.23.2020

First day of online teaching. I didn’t really have anything to do except email my students. I have the week’s module all set, I’m trying to make this as easy for them as possible. (Which means no synchronous stuff!)

I also got emails/updates on my own classes. One professor is (as someone in my cohort described him) an academic angel. I swear there isn’t a nicer human being on the planet and is eliminating grades on our stuff for the remainder of the semester. We still need to do the work, but if we have issues, we don’t have to worry about our grades. My professor for my other 2 classes is giving us time to get used to the new way of life and has pushed back readings and project due dates. I love my program.

GIF of Captain America saluting

Not all heroes wear capes

Because I have been under so much stress the past few weeks, (I mean who hasn’t been?) I needed to get outside and run. We are under lockdown here in Ohio, but we can still go to parks. I had never run the trails at one of our parks, so I decided to go today. The best way to describe what happened is it was a beautiful disaster. Beautiful because I wanted to run at least 6.5 miles, and I ran/walked 7.1!

GIF of Barney from How I Met Your Mother giving himself a high five

It was a disaster because…well, just watch this video.

Strong language

Teacher’s Log – Scholastic date 09.25.2019

Last night, I couldn’t fall asleep. Nothing new. It takes a while for my brain to calm down enough to realize, ‘hey, it’s sleepy time now’. I was laying there trying to figure out why I keep clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth. Yes, I’m under stress right now, but I’ve been under more stress in the past, and I never clenched my jaw to the point my molars are begging me to stop! I love my classes I’m taking; I love the class I’m teaching. Why do I have I had this perpetual tense feeling?

So, I did a bit self-reflection because 1:00 am is the perfect time for it; and I kind of had an epiphany.

I spent more than a decade in a highly adversarial environment. Being a bankruptcy attorney in the Eastern District of Michigan is no walk in the park. It’s an immeasurable amount of stress on a daily basis.

From there, I became a college instructor. So much less stress every day, but where I was teaching had an adversarial vibe. There was not much in the way of collaboration (it was virtually non-existent), and there was a divide between full-timers and adjuncts. I think a lot of people liked to pretend it wasn’t there, but it was. So, even though there was less stress, there was still a fair amount of tension.

Then, I started this PhD program, and it’s all about collaboration, and let’s help each other through this, and professors who say they see me as a colleague. And this is so amazing! So again, why am I so bloody tense all the time?!?!

What I figured out is that I’ve put up a deflector shield. And this deflector shield is trying to protect me from potential adversary. I know people aren’t trying to trick me into believing they’ll help only to have them say “Sike! Fooled you!” but, I still feel this need to be on guard.

Now that I know this is an issue, the goal will be to try to lower that shield and no longer be on Red Alert.