Today is Christmas Day, and not having to go anywhere is actually really great! Because let’s face it…

This pandemic is going to last forever in America because people are stupid. One thing this pandemic has done is allowed me to listen to Christmas music more often. And I mean really listen to it. Now, I’ve had issues with “Baby, it’s cold outside” for some time with the whole emphasis on rape culture and all. But, I noticed another song that bothers me.

Yep, it’s Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. This song is straight up bullshit. All the other reindeer bully Rudolph, and no one, especially Santa, does a damn thing about it! In fact, Santa ignores the whole situation until he needs something from Rudolph. Nice exploitation there, Saint Nick.

Then when Rudolph saves Christmas, all the other reindeer suddenly love him and want to be his friend. Well, unless they acknowledge their wrong doings and expressly say they learned not to be assholes anymore to others who are different, then fuck those other reindeer! Simply shouting “you’ll go down in history” is not an apology.

And Santa isn’t even mentioned again at the end of the song, so who knows if he even apologizes. My guess is no. He’s a typical corporate owner. Exploiting his workers and barely acknowledging their existence until he needs something from them. He even ignores the asshole reindeer until Christmas Eve. If it weren’t for the reindeer, he wouldn’t even be able to deliver the toys that his sweatshop workers, I mean elves, make. The reindeer really make Christmas happen! They’re the ones who haul his ass all over the world!

Maybe this explains their anger toward Rudolph. They can’t express their frustrations with Santa, so they bully someone who is different. I mean, we see it all the time! Then, by the end of the song, they see Rudolph really is one of them. He’s in the same boat, so to speak. Santa takes advantage of Rudolph as much as he does the others.

So, what am I saying? Santa is the real asshole here, kids! I bet he forbids unionization, and that’s why they feel they can’t stand up for themselves! These are hard times, especially during a pandemic. They can’t just stomp into his office and demand things. He’d fire the lot of them, then where would they be? Trying to collect unemployment?! I’m sure the job market isn’t the greatest for a reindeer. It’s outrageous, I tell you!

Please don’t mistake this as excusing the reindeer’s behavior toward Rudolph. They’re still assholes who should apologize properly. I guess this is more of an understanding of the reasons behind the behavior. I’ve had a lot of shitty bosses and being in a toxic atmosphere like that can make you act batshit crazy.

I think Santa needs to get his shit together and remember why he’s able to do his cushy little once a year job in the first place.

Anyway, thanks for reading my holiday rant!